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Today's jokes [9.25.12]

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A trucker who has been out on the road for three weeks stops
into a brothel outside Vegas. He walks straight up to the
Madam, drops down $500 and says,
"I want your ugliest woman and a bologna sandwich!!!"
The Madam is astonished. "But sir, for that kind of money you
could have one of my finest ladies and a three-course meal."
The trucker replies, "Listen sweetheart, I ain't horny, I'm
homesick."


1. 




Q. Why is the book "Women Who Love Too Much" a disappointment for many 
men?

A. No phone numbers. 

2. 




Two senior couples are walking along, wives in front, husbands in
back.  Herb says to Sam, "Gee, we went to a new restaurant last night
and had the best meal ever.  Good prices too."

Sam says, "Well, we like to eat out too.  What was the name of the
restaurant?"

Herb says, "You'll going to have to help me out here a little.  What's
the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, grows on a thorny bush?"
Sam says, "How about rose?"

"Yes, yes,  that's it!" cries Herb, then calls ahead to his wife. 
"Rose.  Hey, Rose. What was the name of the restaurant we ate at last
night?"

3. 




                                  The Diet
     
   
BREAKFAST
        1/2 grapefruit
        1 slice whole wheat toast
        8 oz glass skim milk

LUNCH
        4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
        1 cup steamed zucchini
        1 Oreo cookie

MID-AFTERNOON SNACK
        rest of the package of Oreo cookies
        1 quart Rocky Road ice cream
        1 jar hot fudge

DINNER
        2 loaves garlic bread
        1 large pepperoni & mushroom pizza
        1 large pitcher of beer
        3 Milky Way candy bars
        1 entire cheesecake

DIET TIPS
        1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories
        2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar,
                they cancel each other out.
        3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count
                if you both eat the same amount.
        4. Foods used for medicinal purpose have no calories.
                These include any chocolate used for energy,
                brandy, cheesecake, and ice cream.
        5. Cookie pieces contain no calories, because breakage
                causes the calories to leak out.
        6. If you eat food from someone else's plate, the
                calories don't count.
        7. Movie related snacks are much lower in calories because
                they are part of the entertainment, and not ones
                of personal fuel.
  


4. 




Knock, knock!

Who's there?

An escaped serial killer!

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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