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Today's jokes [9.14.12]

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Bob, who's gay, decides to go out for a good time
and ends up at a gay bar. There he meets an attractive
young man named Johnny who he talks to all evening.
When the night comes to an end Johnny invites him over
to his place.

They get in Johnny's car, a pink stretch Cadillac, and
proceed to leave the parking lot. Yet Bob is quite
concerned when Johnny repeatedly smashes into parked
cars as they are leaving the lot. Once they reach
Johnny's place, again Johnny looks around and proceeds
to smash into parked cars as he's parking his.

As they got out of the car Johnny asked, "So Bob, do you
like my feminine side?" 

1. 




A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a
   small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider.
   "Why do you want cider?" asked Mom.
   "To take the pain away," sobbed the little girl.
   Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass.
   The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink.
   "It doesn't work!" she yelled.
   "What do you mean?" asked Mom.
   "Well," sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that
   whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in
   cider."


2. 




No lawyers allowed- Prosecutors will be violated!

 If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one of
them, would you read the paper or go to lunch?


3. 




In the midst of a veritable downpour, a gallant driver saw
a woman alone in the mud trying to change a flat tire, and
couldn't bear passing her by. He completed the job for her,
and, soaked to the skin, exclaimed jovially, "There, little
lady, that's done!" "Quiet," she ordered him. "You'll wake
up my husband. He's taking a nap in the back seat." 

4. 




It is common for draftsmen to sprinkle SCUMEX (powdered rubber
eraser) on tracings prior to doing any drawing on it. This reduces
smearing of the pencil marks and such and results in a cleaner
tracing.

At a former employers we had replaced the Scumex at one draftsmans
desk with dried parmesian cheese. It looked about the same. It was
extremely interesting watching him draw for a while and then begin
to smell the paper. Took the poor dude almost 10 minutes to guess
that he had been gigged!



5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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