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Today's jokes [9.12.12]

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A certain old gentleman thought his eyesight was going bad, and he
was advised to go to see an eye doctor. He goes in to see the doctor,
and the doctor said, "All right, let's check you out. You sit down here
on this stool. You put your right hand over your right eye and read
that chart on the wall over there."
   He puts his left hand over his left eye. The doctor says, "No, no,
no. Put your right hand over your right eye."
   This old person puts both hands over both eyes. The doctor is now
getting upset. The patient continues to screw up, and the doctor
really gets mad and says, "All right, I'll fix you!" He gets a paper
bag out of the closet, puts one hole in it, puts it over his head, and
says, "Now, read that chart!" The guy read it perfect!
   The doctor takes the bag off, and this old person starts crying
like a baby. The doctor says, "Now, what the hell is wrong with you?"
   "Well, when I first came in here, I had my heart set on wire frames!"



1. 




Why is the government like a prostitute?

                                 Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!

2. 




What's the best thing about turning 65?

No more calls from insurance salesmen.


3. 




If god had wanted us to run around naked,
we would have been born that way. 

4. 




   Two tigers are walking along a jungle trail in single file.
   
   The rearmost tiger wanders off the trail for a few minutes, then
   reappears shortly thereafter. A few moments later, the front tiger
   feels what seems to be the other tiger's tongue, applied just below
   his tail. The tiger disapproves of this action, but doesn't want to
   start anything by bringing it up. Then, the tiger again feels the
   tongue, again in the same place.
   
   He decides to confront the after tiger, and asks him, "Did you just
   lick me twice in the butt?"
   
   The other tiger replied, "Yeah, sorry about that. I just ate a lawyer
   and I was trying to get the taste out of my mouth."
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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