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Today's jokes [9.11.12]

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Woman goes into a hardware store and asks the clerk for two AA batteries. 
The clerk gestures with his fingers and says, "Come this way," and heads 
towards the back of the store.
"If I could come that way," she tells the retreating clerk, "I wouldn't 
need the batteries." 


1. 




One joke that we did in residence was the Chinese Fire Drill,
I don't quite know why it is called that. Anyway..

The victim is on the pot in the dorm washroom. Everyone grabs a bucket
(we used the waste baskets from our rooms) and fills the buckets with
water. Take a paper bag and set it on fire, toss it under the door into the
stall. Yell fire as everyone tosses the water into the stall. Needless to say
the fire as well as the victim get very wet.

This one fellow in the house was hit a number of times and took to relieving
himself in other locals. We followed him a couple of times and nailed him
in many parts of the residence.

Later of course we conspired with our victim to get back at the
original instigator of the drill. The guy in the stall had a bucket of water,
and when the the instigator tossed the bag in we all hit him.



2. 




   A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
   giraffe walked in.
   "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
   your luck?" replied
   the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
   her. Within five
   minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
   lion was drinking in the
   bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
   and can hardly hold
   himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
   down his throat and
   said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
   giraffe, what happened
   after that? Was she all right?"
   The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
   dinner, had a couple
   of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
   night. And oh, man!
   I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
   exhausted?" asked
   the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
   screwing, I must have run a
   thousand miles!"
   


3. 




Did you hear about the Polish Navy's tragic accident?
A hundred and thirty-seven sailors drowned trying to push-start
their new submarine.




4. 




I saw a pen in a store the other day. I picked it up and took a look at it
cause it was prettier than most.
The clerk said, "It's made in Germany".
I said, "That's too bad, I can't use it then".
The clerk said, "What's the matter? You don't like German pens?"
I said, "No. I just never learned to write German."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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