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Today's jokes [9.1.12]

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Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon.
"Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip the
wife's knickers off!"
"What's the rush?" his mate asked.
"The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

1. 




What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig? 

    Nothing, there's some things even a pig won't do! 

2. 




A guy walks into a store and says to the managaer "why doesn't your store 
have a name", the store manager says "I haven't thought of one yet but I 
think u can help me, what's your girlfriend's name." The guy says "Jenny" 
then the store owner says "What's do you like most about Jenny" and the guy
says "her legs." So the store manager says "ok that's what we'll call my 
store Jenny's Legs. Here's a coupon come back tomorrow morning and you can 
have a free drink." And the man says "ok."
The next day the man comes back to the store banging on the window yelling 
" where's my free drink, where's my free drink!" Then a police officer comes
up to him and says "What are you doing?" and the guy says "I'm waiting for 
Jenny's Legs to open up."  



3. 




Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: Because they don't have balls to scratch.


4. 




Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911
operator told Bubba that she would send someone out
right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you
pick her up there?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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