Today's jokes [8.9.12]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar out
while you are in my store!"
"I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer.
"Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too."
A cowboy along with his horse and dog are captured late one
afternoon by hostile Indians. This presents no problem for the
horse as the Indians can always use another pony. The dog's
fate is some what tenuous but it is certain that the cowboy will
be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That evening the
Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can have one last wish,
within reason, before meeting his ultimate fate the the
following morning. The cowboy tells the chief that his last
request is to see his faithful dog, Rex. When the dog is brought
by the Indians the cowboy strokes and pets his companion and
whispers something into his ear. At once the dog bounds and runs
through the Indian village and over the hill. This does not
particularly distress the Indians as they didn't really know what
to do with the dog anyway.
At about 8 o'clock that evening the dog returns accompanied by
some two dozen hookers from the closest town. Needless to say the
braves were delighted at the prospect of an evening's entertainment.
As the orgy wore on through the night, the chief told the cowboy
that his stake burning was being postponed as they were all too
tired from partying.
The next day, the chief said to the cowboy, "in gratitude for
furnishing the ladies last night, I'm going to grant you another
request before you are burned at the stake in the morning." Again
the cowboy requests to see his faithful dog. When the dog is
brought forth the cowboy again strokes and pets his companion
and whispers into his ear, "this may be my last chance Rex, so
please get it right this time --- go to town and get the posse!"
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the
"My mother died in June," he said, "and left me $10,000."
"Gee, that's tough," he replied.
"Then in July," the friend continued, "My father died leaving me $50,000."
"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."
"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."
"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."
"Then this month," continued, the friend, "nothing!"
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had
gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky.
Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What
does it mean to you, Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
There was a husband and his wife sitting next to a drunk in a
bar. Suddenly the drunk stands up and yells, "ATTENTION
ALL" and farts loudly.
The wife is extremely embarrassed, and the husband looks at
the drunk and says" Excuse me, you just farted before my
The drunks replies," I'm sorry I didn't know it was her turn."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4
5 6 7 8 9 10 11
12 13 14 15 16 17 18
19 20 21 22 23 24 25
26 27 28 29 30 31