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Today's jokes [8.4.12]

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   Alice was becoming frustrated by her husband's insistence that they
   love in the dark. Hoping to free him of his inhibitions, she flipped
   on her
   reading lamp one passionate night -- only to find a cucumber in his
   "Is THIS", she asked, pointing to the vegetable, "what you've been
   on me for the last 5 years?" "Honey, let me explain..." "Why, you
   bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent son of a -" "Speaking of
   her husband coolly interjected, "maybe you'd like to explain our three


Three college roommates -- two females and a male -- began
to argue after dinner about whose turn it was to do the dishes.
"All right," one of the girls said, "the first one to speak has to
do them."
The trio retired to the living room to watch TV. When their
neighbor, a school football star, came by, the three remained
silent. The visitor shrugged and led one of the girls into her
Forty-five minutes later, the young man emerged and
approached the second girl. Through sign language, they
agreed to adjourn to her bedroom.
When he came out, he began to fix himself a cup of tea but
burned his fingers on the stove.
"Hey, where's some petroleum jelly?" he hollered from the
"Oh, hell!" the male roommate said, jumping up. "I'll do the


John receives a phone call.
   "Hello," he answers.
   The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party
   about 3 months ago."
   John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
   Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home.
   On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a
   good sport."
   John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
   Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
   John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."


Creative Sighing for Effect. Sigh loudly when there are
many people around, giving the impression that you are
very hard pressed.


Have you heard the one about the . . . .

    . . . recent survey on cigarettes which found that
   90% of the men that tried Camels still prefer women. 


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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