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Today's jokes [8.30.12]

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This man got his prescription for Viagra, and goes home to get 
ready for when his wife gets home. He calls her on the phone, 
and says, "I'll be home in an hour." 

"Perfect," she replies.

The man thinks her agreement is because the Doctor told him 
to take his Viagra an hour before. He takes the Viagra and 
waits. Well, and hour goes by, the man is ready to go, but no 
wife? 

She calls him on the phone and she says, "Traffic is terrible. I 
won't be there for about an hour and a half." 

The man, frustrated, calls his Doctor for advice. "What should I 
do?" he asks. 

The Doctor replied, "It would be a shame to waste it. Do you 
have a housekeeper around?" 

"Yes" the man replied. 

"Well, maybe you can occupy yourself with her instead?" said 
the Doctor. 

The man then replied with dismay, "But I don't need Viagra 
with the housekeeper..."

1. 




A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is smoking
a cigarette with a satisfied smile on its face and the egg is
frowning and looking put out.

The egg mutters to no one in particular,
"I guess we answered that question." 

2. 




I know I haven't known you very long and I shouldn't be asking you for
this so soon, but I really need it badly.  I haven't had it for a while
and I can already feel it going in good and hard and coming out nice and
soft. If you would do this for me no one would ever know. I am sure you
can satisfy my needs and I'd be very grateful if you would. I am very
desperate and I need your help.  You must think by now that I have a lot
of nerve but I can feel my tongue wrapping around it and sucking out all
the juices until it's very dry.  I am not going to beat around the bush
any longer so...

Do you have a piece of gum?

3. 




I went out with my girlfriend and asked her,
"Why is it everytime I go out with you, I end up
spending hundreds of dollars?"

"Because I'm a prostitute." 

4. 




What is the difference between a dog and a fox? 

Eight beers. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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