Today's jokes [8.29.12]
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Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home from the pub
late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "it's Michael O'Grady's grave,
God bless his soul. He lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Tool, it says
here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a fella that got to be 145
"What was his name?" asks Paddy.
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a match to see what else is
written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let
him keep her.
A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to
go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his
In response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready
to ejaculate, try startling yourself."
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter
pistol. All excited to try this suggestion, he ran home to his wife.
At home, he found his wife was in bed, naked and waiting. As the two
began, they found themselves in the 69 position. The man, moments later,
felt the sudden urge to ejaculate and fired the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked,
"How did it go?" The man answered, "Not that well... when I fired the
pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my
neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
What is the last thing Jesus Christ said to the Teamsters?
"Don't do anything 'till I get back."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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