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Today's jokes [8.24.12]

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"Well, Mrs. O'Connor, so you want a divorce?" the solicitor questioned
his client. "Tell me about it. Do you have a grudge?"
"Oh, no," replied Mrs. O'Connor. "Shure now, we have a carport."
The solicitor tried again. "Well, does the man beat you up?"
"No, no," said Mrs. O'Connor, looking puzzled. "I'm always first out
of bed."
Still hopeful, the solicitor tried once again. "Well, does he go in for
unnatural connubial practices?"
"Shure now, he plays the flute, but I don't think he knows anything about
the connubial."
Now desperate, the solicitor pushed on. "What I'm trying to find out are
what grounds you have."
"Bless ye, sor. We live in a flat -- not even a window box, let alone grounds."
"Mrs. O'Connor," the solicitor said in considerable exasperation,
"you need a reason that the court can consider. What is the reason for you
seeking this divorce?"
"Ah, well now," said the lady, "Shure it's because the man can't hold an
intelligent conversation."


Q: How do Redneck mothers know when their daughters are having their

A: Their son's dicks taste funny!


A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were 
getting ready to go out on dates. The first 
beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm 
here to pick up Betty. We're going for 
spaghetti, is she ready?" 
No. The second beau came to the door and said, 
"I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to 
the show. Is she ready to go?" 
No. The third beau came to the door and said to 
the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck. 


How do you get a horny dog to stop humping on your leg?

Pick him up and start sucking his dick.


A kid goes up to his father and says, "Hey, Pop, know how old I am today?"
His father says, " old?"
He says, "I'm eleven!"
He goes into the kitchen and says to his grandmother, "Hey, Grandma, know
how old I am today?"
She says, "Come closer..."
She unzips his jeans and reaches her thin, spotted arm down into his
underwear. She fondles his genitals for a few minutes and then she says,
"You're eleven."
He says, "How could you tell?"
She says, "I heard you tell your father."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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