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Today's jokes [8.16.12]

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A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, "I'm going to a
costume party, I want to go as Adam." The girl brings out
a fig leaf. He says, "Not big enough."

She brings out a bigger one. He says, "Still not big enough."
She brings out a huge fig leaf. He says, "Still not big enough."

She says, "Listen, Ace, why don't you just throw it over your
shoulder and go as a gasoline pump?"

1. 




Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses 
were running late, and a lot of time passed. Finally, one woman turned to 
the other and said, "You know, I've been sitting here so long, my butt 
fell asleep!'.

The other woman turned to her and said "I know! I heard it snoring!"

2. 




One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took 
the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he 
wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched 
operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he 
told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep 
his testis pouch empty.
After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk.
Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now.
He said "Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I
scratch my balls, my eyes start watering."

3. 




Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?

A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.


4. 




   A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told the physician that her
   husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she wasn't sure it
   was such a good idea.
   
   The Doctor asked, "Do you enjoy it?"
   
   She said that she did.
   
   He asked, "Does it hurt you?"
   
   She said no.
   
   The Doctor then told her, "Well, then, there's no reason that you
   shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you
   take care not to get pregnant."
   
   The woman was mystified. She asked, "You can get pregnant from anal
   sex?"
   
   The Doctor replied, "Of course. Where do you think lawyers come from?"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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