Today's jokes [8.15.12] Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
A man tried to sell his neighbour a new dog. "This is a talking dog," he said. "And you can have him for five dollars." The neighbour said, "Who do you think you're kidding with this talking dog stuff? There ain't no such animal." Suddenly the dog looked up with tears in his eyes. "Please buy me, Sir," he pleaded. "This man is cruel. He never buys me a meal, never bathes me, never takes me for a walk. And I used to be the richest trick dog in America. I performed before kings. I was in the army and was decorated ten times." "Hey!" said the neighbour. "He can talk. Why do you want to sell him for just five dollars?" "Because," said the seller, "I'm getting tired of all his lies."
Q: Why did the woman cross the road? A: More to the point, what was she doing outside of the kitchen?
A Rabbi and a Priest were sitting together on a train, and the Rabbi leans over and asks, "So how high can you advance in your organization?" The Priest says "If I am lucky, I guess I could become a Bishop." "Well, could you get any higher than that?" asks the Rabbi. "I suppose that if my works are seen in a very good light that I might be made an ArchBishop" said the Priest a bit cautiously. "Is there any way that you might go higher than that?" "If all the Saints should smile, I guess I could be made a Cardinal" "Could you be anything higher than a Cardinal?" probed the Rabbi. Hesitating a little bit, the Priest said "I supose that I could be elected Pope, but..." So the Rabbi says "And could you be anything higher than that?, is there any way to go up from being the Pope?" "What!!! I should be the Messiah himself!?!" The Rabbi leaned back and said "One of our boys made it."
A man and a woman are on an elevator at the top of the world's tallest building, when all of a sudden, the cable snaps and the elevator starts plummeting to the ground. The emergency brakes don't work, the emergency phone doesn't work, and they both begin to panic. The woman screams "We're going to die!", rips of all her clothes, throws herself on the floor and says to the man "make me feel like a woman again!" So, he pulls off his jacket, throws it on the floor, and says "pick that up, bitch."
Why haven't Women landed on the Moon? - Because it doesn't need cleaning yet!
Love, Mary
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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