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Today's jokes [8.14.12]

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How can you identify an blind pirate?

He's the one with patches over both eyes. 

1. 




A horse and a rabbit 

A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get the
farmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm but
the farmer can't be found. He drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the
mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the
other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
forward saving him from sinking!

A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to the
horse to go and get some help from the farmer.

The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched
over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my dick and pull
yourself up." And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a
Mercedes!


2. 




   ("Bird" is an English Term equivalent to "Chick", and "tight" is
   equivalent to "cheap")
   You never would have guessed that, right?
   
   This bloke walks into a bar with an ostrich and cat. They all sit down
   at a table and the man goes to the bar and says, "A pint of Bitter for
   myself, a Gin &Tonic for the ostrich and a Scotch for the cat".
   
   The Barman is a little perplexed but serves the drinks anyway.
   
   Sometime later the ostrich goes to the bar and says, "A G&T for
   myself, a pint of bitter for the guv'nor and a whisky for the cat."
   
   The barman is even more bemused but still serves the drinks.
   
   This goes on all evening with the man and the ostrich alternately
   buying rounds of drinks, but the cat never does. By the end of the
   evening the barman asks the man, "Look, whats the story? I have to
   know, why do you have an ostrich and a cat? And how come the cat never
   buys a round?"
   
   "Well it's quite a story," says the man. "I was walking down the road
   one day when I found a bottle. I uncorked this bottle and Genie came
   out and said, `Oh thank you for releasing me, oh Master, what is your
   heart's desire? Tell me and it shall be yours.'
   
   "So I asked for a bird with long legs and a tight pussy."
   


3. 




WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

At      17         25
        25         35
        35         48
        48         66
        66         17



4. 




Q: What is grosser than gross?
   A: Having a dream about chocolate pudding and then waking up with a 
spoon in your butt.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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