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Today's jokes [8.12.12]

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Answering Machine Recording:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 
now.......Now press the other one." 

1. 




A tipsy guy in a bar stood and made the following speech, "I am white from 
head to toe. I am rich and I am handsome. My name is Brown. B-R-O-W-N." 
Thoroughly annoyed, Sam retorted, "My name is Sam and I am white from head 
to toe. Except my asshole. Which is brown. B-R-O-W-N."

2. 




Q: Why can't Jesus eat M & M's?
A: Because they fall through the holes in his hands.


3. 




Emery fixed himself a Scotch while waiting for
Maria to get ready for their date. She came out
of the shower wrapped in a bath towel and said,
"I'm sorry I'm late but I was shopping and lost
track of time. Would you like to see me in my
new dress?"

"I would like nothing better." said Emery. 

4. 




Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in his shoes. Then 
when you do criticize that person, you'll be a mile away and 
have his shoes.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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