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Today's jokes [8.10.12]

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Boss:  "My laptop computer is locked up.  Can you help?"
Dilbert:  "Remember you have to hold it upside down and shake it to
Boss:  "Oh, that's right."
Wally:  "I wonder if he'll ever realise we gave him an "Etch-A-Sketch."


A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist.
The doctor took one look at this woman and all his
professionalism went out the window. 
He immediately told her to undress. After she had
disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing
so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" 
"Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions
or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said
the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do
you know what I'm doing now?" he asked.
"Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or
breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor.
Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual
intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing
"Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came
here in the first place."


The world was stunned by the news, this morning, of the death
of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old.
Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately
8:42PM last evening.
Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going and
going and going, "Pinkie" as he was known to his friends and
relatives, was alone at the time of his death.
An autopsy was performed early this morning. Chief medical
Examiner, Dura Cell, concluded that the cause of death was
acute cardiac arrest induced by sexual over-stimulation.

Apparently, someone had put Mr.Bunny's batteries in backwards,
and he kept coming, and coming and coming..... 


A middle-aged guy and his date are making out hot and heavy in the movies 
when his toupee slides off. As he's groping around for it, his hand goes 
between her legs, up under her skirt, and lands on her twat.
She says, "That's it! That's it!"
He says, "It can't be. I part mine on the side." 


It is time to elect a world leader and your vote counts.
Here's the scoop on the three leading candidates.
Candidate A: associates with ward heelers and consults
with astrologists. He's had two mistresses. He chain
smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.
Candidate B: was kicked out of office twice, sleeps
until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of
brandy every evening.
Candidate C: is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian,
doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had
any illicit affairs.
Which of these candidates is your choice??

Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt
Candidate B is Winston Churchill
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler

Sent by Marina


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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