Today's jokes [7.9.12]
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Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in
heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him
a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.
Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who
says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your
When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked -
St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally,
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the
As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel
says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than
ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed
that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What
do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a package and gave it to
his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled
"The meaning of dreams"
Why can't a man eat like a bird?
Have you ever tried to pick up food with your pecker?
Sent by Chris
What is the difference between a blonde and a brunette?
Well about 15 minutes!
A man was being interviewed for a job.
"Were you in the service?" ask the interviewer.
"Yes, I was a marine," responded the applicant.
"Did you see any active duty?"
"I was in Vietnam for 2 years and I have a partial disability."
"May I ask what happened?"
"Well, I had a grenade go off between my legs and I lost both
"You're hired. You can start Monday at 10 am."
"When does everyone else start? I don't want any preferential
treatment because of my disability."
"Everyone else starts at 7 am but I might as well be honest with
you. Nothing gets done between 7 and 10. We just sit
around scratching our balls trying to decide what to do first."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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