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Today's jokes [7.8.12]

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On a very cold night, a young man dropped into the local
brothel and the madam said, "You'll have to wait."
"But there's lots of girls that aren't busy right now."
"Yes, but several of the rooms are closed for repairs."
"Listen, I'm pretty desperate. I don't need a room."
So she takes his money and he goes upstairs with one of
the staff and, after looking for a place to consummate
the transaction, they decide to do it on the roof. But
it's a very cold night, and they freeze to death and
fall to the sidewalk. A passing drunk looks them over,
staggers to the door, and knocks.

"Go away!" says the madam. "We don't allow drunks in here!"

"I don't want in," says the drunk. "I just wanted to tell
you that your sign fell down." 


The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like "cunt" and "cock" 
scrawled all over the blackboard. "Children," she said, addressing the 
classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now 
we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our 
eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on 
the board to tiptoe up and erase them." At the signal, the teacher and the 
children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very 
slowly. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their 
eyes." All eyes went to the blackboard. None of the words were erased. But 
below them was the message: "Fuck you, teacher! The Phantom strikes 


The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her 
husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." 
"My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." 
"I know, but a letter came for you this morning and I opened it." 
He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" 
"In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't
forget to give this letter to George.'"


How do you catch a polar bear?

Answer:  First, you cut a large, round hole in the ice.
         Next, you place enough peas around the hole to
         completely surround the hole.  Then, when the
         polar bear comes to take a pea, you kick him in
         the icehole.

Sent by Ediie


Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty
girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress.
 How much does it cost?"
"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.
"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."
With expectation and anticipation written all over his face,
the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then
held it out teasingly.
The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old
man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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