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Today's jokes [7.6.12]

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Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady
of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of
agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm
down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun
began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I
heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. 

"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun,
"it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a
contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?" 

1. 




Why can't Frankenstein have children? 

     Because his nuts are on his neck. 

2. 




                          The Numbers of the Beast
     
   
OK, we all know that 666 is the Number of the Beast.

But did you know that:

660             - Approximate number of the Beast
DCLXVI          - Roman numeral of the Beast
666.0000        - Number of the High Precision Beast
0.666           - Number of the Millibeast
/ 666           - Beast Common Denominator
666 ^ (-1)      - Imaginary number of the Beast
1010011010      - Binary of the Beast
6, uh... what was that number again?
                - Number of the Blonde Beast
1-666           - Area code of the Beast
00666           - Zip code of the Beast
1-900-666-0666: - Live Beasts!  One-on-one pacts!  Call Now!
                  Only $6.66/minute.  Over 18 only please.
$665.95         - Retail price of the Beast
$699.25         - Price of the Beast plus 5% state sales tax
$769.95         - Price of the Beast with all accessories and
                  replacement soul
$656.66         - Walmart price of the Beast
$646.66         - Next week's Walmart price of the Beast
Phillips 666    - Gasoline of the Beast
Route 666       - Way of the Beast
666 F           - Oven temperature for roast Beast
666k            - Retirement plan of the Beast
666 mg          - Recommended Minimum Daily Requirement of Beast
6.66 %          - 5 year CD interest rate at First Beast of Hell
                  National Bank, $666 minimum deposit.
Lotus 6-6-6     - Spreadsheet of the Beast
Word 6.66       - Word Processor of the Beast
i66686          - CPU of the Beast
666i            - BMW of the Beast
DSM-666 (revised)
                - Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the Beast
668             - Next-door neighbor of the Beast
  


3. 




What do you call 2 blondes in the front seat of a car? 

Dual air bags! 

4. 




The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek 
god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman 
deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-
faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or 
less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles; 
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her. 
Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to 
steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres 
was held with a double-header.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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