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Today's jokes [7.4.12]

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There were two people having sex in a car. They finished up
and the guy thew the comdom out the window. His girlfriend got
mad at him she wanted to go again. So he got out of the car
and went to find the condom. 
He found that a little boy had found it and when he asked for
it back the boy refused. "C'mon" he begged, "I'll give u a dollar." 
"Well," little boy thought, "Okay."

So the little boy ran home. "Mom, you'll never guess what just
what just happened! I sold this guy a twinky for a dollar, but I
tricked him. I sucked the cream out of it first!" 

1. 




A partially deaf gentleman was extolling the virtues of his new hearing 
aid. "It's marvelous," he enthused to a friend. "Since I acquired it I can 
hear the birds chirping on the hearth. I can also hear clearly a 
conversation being held in an apartment a full block away!"
"You don't say," said his friend. "What kind is it?"
The proud owner consulted his wristwatch and answered, "Twenty minutes 
after two." 

2. 




A blind guy goes into a whore house. A girl takes him upstairs and starts 
giving him a blowjob.
He says to her, "Excuse me, aren't you Karen Carlton, and didn't you go to 
Cardozo High School in Detroit?"
"Yes. How'd you know?"
"I never forget a face." 


3. 




The Grade 1 concert is fast approaching and Johhny has still 
not decidied what he will do. Little Mary is going to do a piano 
solo, Timmy will recite a poem, but Johnny can't come up with 
anything. Finally, his frustrated teacher is releived when he tells 
her he has worked out his act. 

Come the night of the concert, all the proud parents fill the hall 
and watch as Mary, in her perettiest dress, tinkles the ivories to 
rapturous applause...

Then Timmy steps out in his best suit and recites his poems to 
the delight of the audience.

Finally, out comes Johhny, in check shirt, and denim overalls. 
He steps up to the microphone and says...

"Ladies and Gentlemen. My uncle owns a farm and every 
holiday I visit him there. Tonight, I would like to share with you 
my impression of some of the many sounds I hear on my 
unlce's farm. Here is the first....'JOHHNY!  GET OFF THAT 
FUCKING TRACTOR!'"

4. 




A little old lady sits at the luncheonette counter and orders a
hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"
The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"
Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in
his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat,
and tosses it on the grill.
The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever
seen!"
The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts!"and orders a
hamburger.
The huge guy behind the counter bellows, "ONE BURGER!"
The cook, who's even bigger, screams, "BUR-GER!"
Whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in
his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat,
and tosses it on the grill.
The old lady says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever
seen!"
The counterman says, "Yeah? You should be here in the
morning when he makes the doughnuts!"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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