Today's jokes [7.30.12]
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Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part
of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's
normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an
inappropriate question and my parents are going to
hear of it when I get home!"
She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not
studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you
going to be disappointed someday!"
A high school senior was inspecting Harvard University, where he hoped
to attend the following autumn. As he was walking across the Quad, he
stopped a distinguished-looking man and asked: "Sir, can you please
tell me where your library is at?"
The man looked down his nose and replied: "Son, I'm head of the English
department, and I can assure you we don't end our sentences with
prepositions. Re-cast your sentence in a proper form and I will reply."
"Can you tell me where your library is at, ass-hole?"
Sent by Randy
A new medical study has shown that a woman's breast-feeding isn't
adversely affected by
aerobics. It was found, however, to be pretty distracting to guys in
GOD will save me
The police were going door to door warning everyone to evacuate
because the river was rising. One door they came to, the man said "GOD
will save me".
The river continued to rise and he was forced to move everthing to the
second floor of his house. A man in a boat came by and offered to save
him. Again he said "GOD will save me".
Pretty soon the second story was flooded and he was forced to get on
the roof of his house. A helicopter came by and tried to save him and
yet again he said "GOD will save me".
It wasn't long before the house was completely covered and the man
died and went to heaven. He confronted God with "Why didn't you save
And God said " I sent you the police, a boat and a helicopter. Why did
you stay in the house?"
Sam was on his death bed, and his wife and children were gathered
around him. Suddenly the aroma of chopped liver filled the room.
Sam perked up a bit and said to his wife, "That's it, one last time
before I die I must have some of your delicious chopped liver."
Sam's wife looked at him sadly and said, "Sorry Sam, it's for after."
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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