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Today's jokes [7.22.12]

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What do you get when you cross a blonde and a lawyer? 

Hey! There's some things even a blonde won't do. 


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't afford a washing machine will never be able to
support you.


Boyfriend: Do you smoke after sex?

Girlfriend: Dunno, I've never looked 


English: This is your Captain speaking, we have leveled off and are 
cruising at flight level three five zero, feel free to move about the 
cabin, also the First Officer has turned off the no smoking sign, the 
flight attendants will be serving cocktails and refreshments momentarily, 
so just sit back and enjoy the rest of the flight, we'll be arriving at
our destination in 20 minutes, and I expect no delays. Enjoy the rest of 
your flight. 

Ebonics: Ebonia Airlines Dis be yo' main man, we be chillin at tray-five 
-o, if you be flexin get up off yo ass and shake that thang, my homey be 
killin the man's opression if you wanna smoke chronic, just hang loose 
blood, them bitches be cruizin on up with some forty-ounce 8-ball, so stop 
trippin and sit your ass back down, we be in the hood in no time afterall, 
i be bumpin switches all da' way. Peace out!


All the farmers for a hundred miles around were attending the wedding of a 
young Australian couple. Waiting for things to get started, they were 
somewhat shocked to see the bride's father storm up the aisle, jacket off,
sleeves rolled up, and obviously very angry. "The weddin's off," he 
shouted, "Everybody bugger off!" Dismayed and muttering, the guests 
repaired to the parking lot, grumbling about their missed opportunity for 
free beer. One guest, a friend of the bride's father, held back, and 
approached him. "What's the problem?" he asked. "Someone stole a keg of 
beer, and some bastard fucked the bride!", exclaimed the father. The 
guest, taken aback, and rendered speechless, left the church, joining the 
other farmers. A few minutes later, the father reappeared and yelled "All 
right! Everyone back inside! The weddin's on again!" As the farmers filed 
back into the church, the friend again approached the father of the bride, 
and asked "What happened to make you change your mind?"
Grinning sheepishly, he replied, "Oh, well, we... uh... we found the keg 
of beer."


BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD

Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.


PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.

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