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Today's jokes [7.2.12]

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Q: Why did the Navy switch to liquid soap?
A: It's harder to pick up.


1. 




   Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news
   that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has
   had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to
   celebrate it.
   
   While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells
   them that he is dying of AIDS.
   
   When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer.
   Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?"
   
   The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm
   gone!"
   


2. 




Two farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the 
other, "Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?" 
The second farmer replies,"No I ain't." The first farmer says, "Yeah, it's 
a big yielding variety. The stalk don't grow too big, but the ears are 
tremendous!"

3. 




What would you call an Amish guy with his arm up a horse's ass?

A Mechanic.

4. 




Osama Cave Memo
===============

Hi guys. We've all been putting in long hours, but we've really come 
together as a group, and I love that.  Big thanks to Omar for putting 
up the poster that says "There is no I in team," as well as the one that 
says "Hang In There, Baby." That cat is hilarious. 
However, while we are fighting a jihad, we can't forget to take care of 
the cave. And frankly, I have a few concerns. 
First of all, while it's good to be concerned about cruise missiles, we 
should be even more concerned about the scorpions in our cave. Hey, you 
don't want to be stung and neither do I, so we need to sweep the cave 
daily.  I've posted a sign-up sheet near the main cave opening. 
Second, it's not often I make a video address, but when I do, I'm trying 
to scare the most powerful country on earth, okay? That means that while 
we're taping, please do not ride your razor scooter in the background. 
Just while we're taping. Thanks. 
Third point, and this is a touchy one. As you know, by edict, we're not 
supposed to shave our beards. But I need everyone to just think hygiene, 
especially after mealtime. We're all in this together. 
Fourth: food. I bought a box of Cheez-Its recently, clearly wrote "Osama" 
on the front, and put it on the top shelf. Today, my Cheez-Its were gone. 
Consideration. That's all I'm saying. 
Finally, we've heard that there may be American soldiers in disguise 
trying to infiltrate our ranks. I want to set up patrols to look for 
them.
First patrol will be Omar, Muhammed, Abdul, Akbar, and Richard. 

Love you lots. 
Osama 


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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