Today's jokes [7.18.12]
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A man answers the phone and has the following conversation:
"Yes, mother, I've had a hard day. Gladys has been most
difficult - I know I ought to be more firm, but it is hard.
Well, you know how she is.
"Yes, I remember you warned me. I remember you told me that
she was a vile creature who would make my life miserable and
you begged me not to marry her.
"You were perfectly right.
"You want to speak with her? All right." He looks up from the
telephone and calls to his wife in the next room:
"Gladys, your mother wants to talk to you!"
A man walked into the bar and there was a gorilla
sitting on a barstool.
The man asked the bartender what the gorilla was
doing in the bar so the bartender showed him. He
took out a bat and hit the gorilla over the head
with it. The animal instantly dropped down and
gave the bartender blow job.
The Bartender then asked the man if he would like
to try it.
The man said "Sure, but please don't hit me quite
What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...
An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to
top up a camel with water.
"That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."
As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed
them over the camel's balls.
The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water.
"Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist.
"Nah," replied the bloke. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"
A guy is sitting in a bar next to a really ugly woman. She has a parrot
on her shoulder. Woman says: If you can tell me what kind of animal I have
on my shoulder...I'll sleep with you." Guy says: "An alligator?" Woman
says: "Close enough"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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