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Today's jokes [7.14.12]

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What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer?


                                         A Doberman.

1. 




Why did God give men larger brains than dogs? 

     So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. 

2. 




What do you get when you play New Age music backwards?

     New Age music.

3. 




What sexual position makes an ugly baby?

                                 Ask your mom!

4. 




It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying
the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he
arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family
there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way
with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box
of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of
terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman
in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the
door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom
where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast:
eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was
pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day,
and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He
said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.' The breakfast was my idea." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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