Today's jokes [7.11.12]
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These two guys go to a whorehouse.
The first guy goes in then comes out and says,
"My wife is better."
The second guy goes in then comes out and says,
"You know what? Your wife IS better."
A midget walks into the doctors and says, "Doc, I've got these fucking
itchy balls and I can't do anything to stop 'em itching".
The Doc says, "I can see the problem and I'll fix it for ya"
So the Doc pulls out a pair of scissors and tells the Midget to close his
eyes. The midget hears snip, snip snip noises for about 5 minutes.
The doc finishes and says, "How's that?"
The midget says, "Fucking brilliant, what did you do?"
The Doc says, "I trimmed back your high boots"
Bill and Bob met at the club for their weekly golf game.
And for the third week in a row, it was raining too hard to play.
Bill: Well, Bob, what do you want to do now?
Bob: Shoot some pool?
Bill: Nah. Hey, I've got an idea. We can go over to my house and
fool around with my wife.
Bob: Whadaya mean?
Bill: Just what I said. We'll go to my house and we can fool around
with my wife.
Bob: What about me?
Bill: She's a sport. She won't mind at all.
Bob: Well... if you think it's okay...
Bill: Sure. C'mon, let's go!
at Bill's house
Bill: Honey, I'm home. Honey. Sweetheart! Damn! She must have gone
shopping. Tell ya what, Bob. Let's go to your house!
"What's wrong, sonny?" asked the old timer sympathetically, coming over
to the little kid who was sitting on the curb, crying his heart out.
"I'm crying 'cause I can't do what the big boys do!" So the old man sat
down and wept too.
Iraqi vs. American
Has visited the convergence of the Tigris and Euphrates, cradle of
the ancient civilization founded by his ancestors
Once got really sick on the Wild Mouse ride at Six Flags theme
Willing to participate in Holy War for his nation
Willing to participate in People's Choice Awards
Lines up by the thousands to die for country
Will go to any extreme to avoid jury duty
Has endured many food shortages during wars with Iran and embargo
Shoves McDonalds cashier if their Happy Meal doesn't include
Believes if he dies in battle, he will go straight to Paradise
Believes if, in a dream, you don't wake up before hitting the
ground, you die
Has friend or relative wounded in ruthless wars of conquest
Has beer guzzling uncle who shot self in foot on hunting trip
Thinks Saddam Hussein is a political genius
Thinks Saddam Hussein makes Dan Quayle seem like Einstein
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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