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Today's jokes [7.1.12]

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A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.
The doctor asked her what had happened to her
ears and she answered, "I was ironing a shirt
and the phone rang - but instead of picking up
the phone I accidentally picked up the iron
and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But. what happened to your other ear?"
"The son of a bitch called back."

1. 




Who makes more money a drug dealer or a hooker?

A hooker because she can wash her crack and reuse it.

2. 




Did you hear that Betty Crocker passed away.
The funeral is set at 4:50 for ten to fifteen minutes. 

3. 




Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously
knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was
as beautiful and charming as everyone had said. 
"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you
play with Rollo while you're waiting?" He does wonderful
tricks. He rolls over, shakes hands, sits up and if you
make a hoop with your arms, he'll jump through." 
The dog followed Paul onto the balcony and started rolling
over. Paul made a hoop with his arms and Rollo jumped through
-- and over the balcony railing to the ground 40 floors down.
Just then Paul's date walked out. 

"Isn't Rollo the cutest, happiest dog you've ever seen?" 
"To tell the the truth, " he replied, "he seemed a little
depressed to me." 

4. 




A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. 
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 
4-Wheel drive vehicles." 
"She did," he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find
a fake Jeep?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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