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Today's jokes [6.28.12]

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Studly young Romeo and his dimwitted college sidekick are
perched near the front door of the girls' dorm. Several
plain Janes walk by as the two converse.

Then a Sharon Stone look-alike emerges from the dorm and
saunters past. Romeo turns, smiles, and -- barely audibly
-- inquires, "Tickle your ass with a feather?"

The young beauty -- startled by what she thinks she heard
-- exclaims "What?!" Without missing a beat, Romeo repeats
"Typical nasty weather?" "Oh," she demures, "yes," and goes
on her way.

More young lovelys walk by and the scene is repeated.
"Tickle your ass with a feather?" "What?" 
"Typical nasty weather?"

Finally, Romeo delivers his line,
"Tickle your ass with a feather?" and his prospect stops,
smiles and invites him up to her room.

Now the sidekick, alone, having paid close attention,
decides to try this remarkable new technique. A likely
prospect comes near. The sidekick leers and blurts out,
"Cram a feather up your ass?"

Shocked, the girl spins around and slaps him, to which
he replies, "Looks like rain!" 

1. 




What has two grey legs and two brown legs?
An elephant with diarrhea.

What do you give an elephant with diarrhea?
Lots of room!


2. 




It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon load of 
corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. 

"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in 
with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up." 

"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think 
Pa would like me to." 

"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted. 

"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "But Pa won't 
like it." 

After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better 
now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset." 

"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, 
where is he?" 

"Under the wagon."

3. 




During the World War II, an American warship was attacked by 
the Japanese. A torpedo was heading towards the ship and a 
hit seemed inevitable. So the captain told the navigator to go 
down to the crew quarters and tell a joke or something - at 
least they would die laughing. 

The navigator went down and said to the crew, "What would 
you think if I could split the whole ship in two by hitting my dick 
against the table?"

The crew burst laughing. So the navigator pulled his dick out 
and whammed it on the table. Just when the dick hit the table, 
a huge explosion tore the ship apart. The only survivors were 
the captain and the navigator. 

As they floated around in a lifeboat captain asked the navigator, 
"Well, the crew really laughed. What did you do?" The 
navigator told him.

The captain replied, "Well, you better be careful with that dick 
of yours. The torpedo missed!"

4. 




   Guy takes his wife to the Doctor...
   
   The Doc says, "Well, it's either Alzheimer's disease or AIDS."
   
   "What do you mean?" the guy says. "You can't tell the difference?"
   
   "Yeah, the two look a lot alike in the early stages... Tell you what..
   Drive her way out into the country, kick her out of the car, and if
   she finds her way back, don't fuck her."
   


5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
If you don't like it, just hit RELOAD




Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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