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Today's jokes [6.24.12]

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A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet 
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', 
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."

1. 




"Was your wife a virgin when you married?"

"I don't know. Some say yes. Some say no."


2. 




A drill instructor at Airborne school was lecturing a group
of new troops on making a proper jump.  He told them:
"When I yell Stand Up, you Stand Up. When I yell hook up,
you hook up. When you go out the door, yell 'Geronimo!' and 
wait for your shoot to open. Got It?  Good, get in the plane."
After a short flight he yelled "Stand UP! Hook UP!" and began
shoving the troops out the door.  Just after the last trooper
exited, the sergeant shut the door. Suddenly, he heard someone
knocking on the door. He opened it to see a private flapping 
his arms trying to imitate a seagull. The private looked him
in the eye and asked What did you say that SOB's name was?

3. 




"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. 
"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" 
"Nothing special sir," he replied. "We just
tell them straight out that they're going to die." 

4. 




What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? 

Fill his water bed with gasoline. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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