Today's jokes [6.23.12]
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Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The
first mouse slams
down a shot and says, "I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into
one on purpose and as
it's closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty
times." And with that
he slams another shot.
The second mouse slams down a shot and says, "That's nothing. I take
tablets, cut 'em up, and snort 'em just for the fun of it." And with
that he slams another
The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first
two mice look at
each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, "Where the hell
are you going?"
The third mouse stops and replies, "I'm going home to fuck the cat."
What's brown and has holes in it?
- Swiss Shit.
A neighbor of mine, Myron, in his mid-50's, had a relatively minor
heart attack, and while he was in the hospital, he complained to his
cardiologist that he thought that his sex life was over. The
cardiologist said, "Not true, Myron. Sex is wonderful exercise for your
heart. After you get home, you should have sex 3 or 4 times a week. It'll
be the best thing you can do for your recovery."
So after his discharge (from the hospital), Myron tells his wife what
the doctor had said. His wife looked at him and told him, "That's
wonderful, Myron! Sign me up for twice."
My mother-in-law is like a fine French Impressionist painting.
She's very lovely, but is best appreciated at a distance.
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary
for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor
informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she
pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown
Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a
7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on
her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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