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Today's jokes [6.20.12]

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Steve complained to his friend Al that lovemaking with his wife was 
becoming routine and boring.
"Get creative buddy. Break up the monotony. Why don't you try playing 
doctor for an hour?"
"Sounds great," Steve replied, "but how do you make it last for an hour?" 
"Hell, just keep her in the waiting room for 45 minutes!"

1. 




Why don't Mexicans teach driver's Ed. and Sex Education on the same day? 

     Because they don't want to wear out the donkey. 

2. 




The  Y-Zero-K Problem 

Translated from a recently discovered Latin scroll dated 2BC 

Dear Cassius: 

  Are you still working on the Y zero K problem?  This change 
from  BC to AD is giving us many headaches; there is not much 
time left.  I don't know how citizens will cope with working the 
wrong way around.  Having been working happily downwards 
forever, now we have to start  thinking upwards.  You would think 
that someone would have thought of  this earlier and not left it to 
us to sort it out at the last minute. 

I spoke to Caesar the other evening.  He was livid that Julius 
hadn't  done something about it when he was working out the 
calendar.  He said he could see why Brutus turned nasty.  We 
called in Consultus, but he simply said that continuing 
downwards using minus BC won't work and as usual charged a 
fortune for doing nothing useful.  Surely, we will not have to 
throw out all our hardware and start again?  Macrohard will 
make yet another fortune out of this, I suppose. 

The money lenders are paranoid of course!  They have been 
told that all  usury rates will invert, and they will have to pay 
their clients to take out loans.  It is an ill wind... . 

As for myself, I just cannot see how the sand in an hourglass 
will flow upwards.  We have heard that there are three wise men 
in the East who have been working on the problem, but 
unfortunately they won't arrive until it's all over. 

I have heard that there are plans to stable all horses at 
midnight at the turn of the year as there are fears that they will 
stop and try to run backwards, causing immense damage to 
chariots and possible loss of  life.  Some say the world will 
cease to exist at the moment of  transition. 

Anyway, we are still continuing to work on this acursed Y zero 
K  problem.  I will send you a parchment if anything further 
develops. 

If you have any ideas please let me know, 

Plutonius 


Sent by Marina

3. 




What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

                    A stick.

4. 




On their wedding night the husband was so self - conscious 
about the smallness of his penis that before undressing, he 
snapped off the light. Once he was in bed, he unzipped his 
pants and handed his member to his bride.

"That's thoughtful, darling," she cooed, "but we'll need the light 
if you want to write thank-you notes ."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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