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Today's jokes [6.14.12]

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A woman recently lost her husband.  She had him cremated and brought his
ashes home.  Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on
the counter.
Then she started talking to him, and tracing her fingers in the ashes,
she said, "You know that fur coat you promised me Irving?"
She answered by saying, "I bought it with the insurance money!"
She then said, "Irving, remember that new car you promised me?"
She answered again saying, "Well, I bought it with the insurance money!"
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving remember that
BlowJob I promised you?  Here it comes..."

1. 




A little town had a high birth rate that had attracted the attention of 
the sociologists at the state university. They wrote a grant proposal; got 
a huge chunk of money; hired a few additional sociologists, anthropologist 
and a family planning and birth control specialist; moved to town; rented 
offices; set up their computers; got squared away; and began designing 
their questionnaires and such. While the staff was busy getting ready for 
their big research effort, the project director decided to go to the local 
drugstore for a cup of coffee. He sat down at the counter, ordered his 
coffee, and while he was drinking it, he told the druggist what his 
purpose was in town, then asked him if he had any idea why the birth rate 
was so high. "Sure," said the druggist. "Every morning the six o'clock 
train comes through here and blows for the crossing. It wakes everybody 
up, and, well, it's too late to go back to sleep, and it's too early to 
get up." 

2. 




One of Sigmund Freud's early patients rushed out into an 
Austrian afternoon on her way to meet her best friend at a 
coffee house. 
Over Cappuccino and Viennese pastries, she suddenly burst 
out crying.
Her friend begged her to share what was wrong.
"Oh, it's just terrible," she wailed. "Today the doctor told me 
I'm in love with my father, and. . .and. . .and you know, he's a 
married man!"

3. 




Three little old ladies, sitting on a park bench.
The town flasher comes by and shows them his ALL!
The first little old lady had a huge stroke. The
second little old lady had a little stroke. 

The third little old lady would have had a
stroke................but her arms weren't quite long enough. 

4. 




        Two teachers at my high school started a practical joke war
that culminated in a junk mail war of huge proportions.  They
finally called a truce and got it cleared up and the mail stopped,
EXCEPT for the military mail that one had signed the other one up
for.  He wrote (honestly) that he had graduated from a fine college
and was interested in the Marines, Air Force, etc. etc.
        When I left, about two years after this, he was still
getting PHONE CALLS from 2-4 times a month.... they were VERY
persistant even over he (loud) objections that he was 45 and not
interested in a career change...



5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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