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Today's jokes [6.12.12]

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There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guy
with a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinscher
says to the guy with a Chihuahua, 'Let's go over to
that restaurant and get something to eat.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'We can't go in there.
We've got dogs with us.' 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'Just follow my lead.' 

They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the Doberman
Pinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walk
in. A guy at the door says, 'Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' 

The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says, 'You don't understand.
This is my seeing-eye dog.' 

The guy at the door says, 'A Doberman Pinscher?' He says, 'Yes,
they're using them now, they're very good.' 

The guy at the door says, 'Come on in.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua figures, 'What the hell,' so he puts
on a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. 

The guy at the door says, 'Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You don't understand. This is
my seeing-eye dog.' 

The guy at the door says, 'A Chihuahua?' 

The guy with the Chihuahua says, 'You mean they gave me a Chihuahua?' 

1. 




Bumper sticker seen in Cambridge, Mass: "Re-elect President Gore in
   2000"


2. 




A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down 
at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee.   The waitress, who is 
very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous 
customers having lunch at the diner.   The man, who uses both 
creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty.  
As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar 
for his coffee.  The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being 
before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders.   As she passes the 
cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down 
and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bosom because both 
her hands are full.   After she has served the two plates she was holding, 
she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you 
want in your coffee?" 

The man says, "Two's fine." 

She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them 
into his cup.  "And cream?" she asks. 

The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, 
"You wouldn't dare!"

3. 




A state trooper pulled a car over and told the man driving
that he was going 50 mph in a 40 mph zone.
"I was only going 40!" the driver protested.
"Not according to my radar," the trooper said.
"Yes, I was!" the man shouted back.
"No you weren't!" the trooper said.
With that, the man's wife leaned toward the window and said,
'Officer, I should warn you not to argue with my husband when
he's been drinking." 

4. 




   A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it
   is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out
   the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or
   never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a
   parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a
   toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant.
   When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll".
   The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending
   manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie
   would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant
   continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to
   the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie dates
   BaddTeddy for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes
   Night Clubbing for $19.95, Cyber Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie
   for $265.00" The man can't help himself and asks "why is Divorced
   Barbie $265.00 when all the other Barbies are selling for $19.95?"
   "That's obvious!" says the assistant, "Divorced Barbie comes with
   Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's furniture ....


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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