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Today's jokes [5.9.12]

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This black guy is walking along a beach when he looks down a sees an 
antique lamp. Thinking that he'll get enough money for another vial of 
crack, he takes the bottle home and starts to clean it. He starts rubbing 
the lamp, when all of a sudden a Jewish genie appears, and being a Jewish 
genie, he say's to the nigger that he have two wishes. The black guy 
thinks for a couple of seconds, and quickly says:, "I want to be white and 
surrounded by cunt."
In an instant he is turned into a tampon.
Now the morale of this story is:
Don't ever expect anything from a Jew without strings attached.


1. 




Q. What do elephants use for tampoons ?
A. Sheep.


2. 




Two gay male lovers were talking and Bob says to Jon, "I wish I had chest 
hair like you" So the next day Bob goes to the doctor and asks for 
something to grow chest hair. The doctor gives him something and he says 
"It will work in about two months." Two months later Bob has no hair on 
his chest and back to the doctor he goes. The Doctor says, 'Rub some 
Vaseline on your chest, and in a week you will be growing hair.' Jon comes 
home that day seeing Bob rub Vaseline and asks "Why?" Bob says "to grow 
chest hair" Jon says if Vaseline grows hair you would have a ponytail 
comin' out your ass!"

3. 




The middle-aged married couple finally moved into the Condo of their
   dreams, but right next door to a very sexy fashion model. The husband
   had taken to borrowing this or that from their neighbor and it seemed
   to the wife that it always took him way too long to return.
   
   One time the wife had had enuff and actually pounded on the wall
   between the two apartments. There being no response she telephoned,
   only to get the answering machine. Finally she went to the model's
   door and just kept ringing the bell.
   
   When the model answered, the wife fumed,"I would like to know why it
   is my husband takes so damn long to get something over here."
   
   "Well sweetie," the model purred, "all these interruptions sure ain't
   helping none either."


4. 




An old man of 70 married a young girl of 18. When they got into bed the 
night after the wedding, he held up three fingers. "Oh honey", said the 
young nymph, "Does that mean we're going to do it three times?" "No", said 
the old man, "It means you can take your pick." 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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