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Today's jokes [5.8.12]

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Don was looking for a little "action."  He picked up a sweet young thang 
at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. 
Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac. 
After six times, she was screaming for more.  After the *eighth* time, Don 
told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes.
On the way out, he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the 
urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find his 
dick.  After a couple of minutes of "fishing around," he finally said, 
"Look, it's ok.  She's not here!"

1. 




Have you heard about the latest Polish parachute?

It opens on impact.

2. 




    Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
   Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be
   able to support you. Why do men pass gas more than women? Because
   women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure. One golfer tells
   another: "Hey, guess what? I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The
   other replies: "GREAT trade!" How many men does it take to open a
   beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it in. What do
   you call a woman with two brain cells? Pregnant. I married Miss Right.
   I just didn't know her first name was Always. Losing a wife can be
   hard. In my case, it was almost impossible. I haven't spoken to my
   wife for 18 months-I don't like to interrupt her. Women are so
   unreasonable! My wife gets mad because every Saturday night I take a
   bath with bubbles in it. I mean, if Bubbles doesn't mind, why should
   she? Most accidents happen at home. And the men have to eat them! Some
   mornings I wake up grouchy...and some mornings I just let her sleep!
   Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
   Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive
   by 90 percent.... Wedding cake! Marriage is a 3-ring circus:
   engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.


3. 




This elderly woman passed a police van loading up the girls from a local 
brothel, and as she passed by, she asked one girl what the lineup was for. 
the girl shrugged and said, jokingly, "cough drops" and snickered.

Just then the cop approached the old gal and said, "What are you doing 
here, m'am?"

The woman pulled herself up to her full height oF 4'4 and replied, "Well, 
I can suck em can't I?" 

4. 




Why do blondes wash their hair in the kitchen?

That's the proper place to wash vegetables.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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