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Today's jokes [5.7.12]

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Berkowitz is having a drink at his hotel when he spots a beautiful young 
woman at the other end of the bar. "Bartender," he says, "give that lady 
whatever she likes, and put it on my tab."
When the drink is delivered, the woman gives Berkowitz a warm smile. A
moment later he's at her side. "That was very kind of you," she says. 
"Won't you sit down?"
After a few minutes of small talk, she says, "Let me be honest with you. 
You're a very nice man, but I don't think you realize that I'm a
professional. I'd be delighted to go upstairs with you for a hundred
dollars. If that's not what you had in mind, I certainly understand, and
I'll say good-bye now, no hard feelings."
"I'm surprised," says Berkowitz. "But you're a beautiful lady, and I like 
you, too. I've never done something like this before, but sure, let's go 
upstairs."
When they get to Berkowitz's room, he says, "I was wondering. There's 
something about you that makes me think you might be Jewish."
"Well, I am," she replies a little defensively. "Why do you ask?"
"Well, I'm Jewish, too," says Berkowitz. "And since we're both Jewish,
I was hoping you would give me a discount."
"Dammit," she replies, "I was afraid this would happen. Okay, twenty
percent off. But I want you to know, at these prices I'm not making any
profit!"

1. 




What do people do for fun on Halloween? 

They monsterbate

2. 




Scientists Decode the First Message From an Alien 
Civilization... 

Simply send 6 x 10^50 atoms of hydrogen to the star system 
at the top of the list, cross off that star system, then put your 
star system at the bottom of the list and send it to 100 other 
star systems. Within one-tenth of a galactic rotation you will 
receive enough hydrogen to power your civilization until entropy 
reaches its maximum! IT REALLY WORKS!

3. 




   Childhood Diseases
   Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed
   together for the first
   time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted
   and discolored. "What
   happened to you feet?" his wife asked. "I had a childhood disease
   called tolio." "Don't you
   mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed
   his pants and revealed
   an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she
   asked. "Well, I also
   had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only
   affects the knees." When
   he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said, "Don't tell me, you
   also had smallcox!"
   


4. 




Do you know why the baby Jesus wasn't born in Iowa?
     They couldn't find three wise men!!!

Sent by Spencer

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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