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Today's jokes [5.30.12]

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This is a telephonic exchange between a hotel guest and
roomservice at a hotel in Asia.  It was  recorded and
published in the Far East Economic Review: 

Room Service:  "Morny.  Ruin sorbees." 
Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." 
RS :  "Rye. Ruin sorbees..morny! Djewish to odor sunteen??" 
Guest:  "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs." 
RS:  "Ow July den?" 
G:  "What??" 
RS:  "Ow July den - fry, boy, pooch?" 
G:  "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled, please." 
RS:  "Ow July dee bayhcem - crease?" 
G:  "Crisp will be fine" 
RS:  "Hokay. An San tos?" 
G:  "What?" 
RS:  "San tos. July San tos?" 
G:  "I don't think so" 
RS:  "No? Judo one toes??" 
G:  "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo one toes' means." 
RS:  "Toes! toes!..Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow singlish
mopping we bother?" 
G:  "English muffin!!  I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.'
Fine.  Yes, an  English muffin will be fine." 
RS:  "We bother?" 
G:  "No..just put the bother on the side." 
RS:  "Wad?" 
G:  "I mean butter - just put it on the side." 
RS: "Copy?" 
G:  "Sorry?" 
RS:  "Copy...tea...mill?" 
G:  "Yes. Coffee please, and that's all." 
RS:  "One Minnie. Ass ruin torino fee, strangle ache,
crease baychem, tossy singlish mopping we bother honey
sigh, and copy....rye??"
G:  "Whatever you say." 
RS:  "Tendjewberrymud" 
G : "You're welcome" 

Have a good day

1. 




There were three little boys visiting their grandparents. 

The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound 
like a frog, Grandpappy? 
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really 
want to make the sound of a frog now."

So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will
you please make a sound like a frog?" 
Grandpa again says, "No, not now.  I don't really want to do that.  
I'm in a grumpy mood.  Maybe later."

Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please... 
Please, please will you make a sound like a frog?"

"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog?" Grandpa 
asked. 

The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when
you croak we get to go to Disney World!"

2. 




There was a boy who worked in the produce section of the market. One day, a man came in and
asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of 
lettuce, but the man replied that he did not need a whole head, but only a half head. The boy 
said he would go ask his manager about the matter.

The boy walked into the back room and said, "there is some asshole out there who wants to buy 
only a half a head of lettuce." As he was finishing saying this he turned around to find the 
man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half".

The manager okayed the deal and the man went on his way. Later the manager called on the boy 
and said, "you almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed
with the way you got yourself out of it. You think on your feet and we like that around here.

Where are you from son?" The boy replied, "Minnesota sir".

"Oh really? Why did you leave Minnesota" asked the manager. The boy replied, "They're all just 
whores and hockey players up there." The manager was shocked and replied "My wife is from 
Minnesota!!"

The boy answered, "Really! What team did she play for?" 

3. 




Q: How is a woman like a condom?
A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

4. 




What do you get when you cross Viagra and Rogaine?

Don King.

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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