Today's jokes [5.29.12]

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The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person 
thinks." 
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the 
person."
The legs declared, "I shuld be boss since I carry the body and all the 
weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.
Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. "You, an 
asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.
The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not 
take it anymore. "Ok, ok, you're the boss!" they gave
in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.

The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need 
to be an asshole. 

A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich 
Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"

This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.

A man went to the doctor for a check up. "How do you feel?" asked the 
doctor. "Fine." he replied. After a few more general health questions the 
doctor asked, "How many times do you have sex per month?" "About two or
three." the man replied. "You should be doing better than that." the 
doctor offered. "Take these pills and come back in a month." The man did 
and a month later he was again asked by the doctor, "How many times did 
you have sex last month?" "About two or three times." the man answered 
again. "I can't understand it," the doctor continued, "you should be doing 
much better than that." "I don't know," replied the man, "that's not bad 
for having no car and a small parish."

The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone 
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When 
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good 
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" 

"Honestly?" 

The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time 
like this?"

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