Today's jokes [5.29.12]
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The external organs of a body were fighting over who should be boss.
The brain said, "I should be boss, since I control what the person
The hands said, "I should be boss because I do almost everything for the
The legs declared, "I shuld be boss since I carry the body and all the
weight is on me."
So they went on, each stating their qualities and uses.
Then the Asshole spoke up, "I think I should be boss, because.."
He had not finished when everyone else started laughing at him. "You, an
asshole, be the boss? You gotta be kidding!"
The asshole was very unhappy, and he closed himself up.
The body soon suffered a terrible constipation, and the organs could not
take it anymore. "Ok, ok, you're the boss!" they gave
in. So the asshole became the boss of the body.
The moral of the story: You don't need brains to be a boss, you just need
to be an asshole.
A visiting conventioneer from Saskatchewan walked into a bar in Greenwich
Village and sat next to a rather attractive woman.
"Hi," he said, "I'm new in town. Can I buy you a drink?"
"Get lost," she remarked, "I am Lesbian."
"Oh, really?" he asked, "How are things in Beiruit?"
This girl I know told me she was so horny her own tongue's starting to feel good in her mouth.
A man went to the doctor for a check up. "How do you feel?" asked the
doctor. "Fine." he replied. After a few more general health questions the
doctor asked, "How many times do you have sex per month?" "About two or
three." the man replied. "You should be doing better than that." the
doctor offered. "Take these pills and come back in a month." The man did
and a month later he was again asked by the doctor, "How many times did
you have sex last month?" "About two or three times." the man answered
again. "I can't understand it," the doctor continued, "you should be doing
much better than that." "I don't know," replied the man, "that's not bad
for having no car and a small parish."
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When
he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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