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Today's jokes [5.27.12]

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As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, 
"And what would you like for Christmas?"

The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a 
minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"

1. 




A man called the undertaker one afternoon and sobbed: "Come and bury my wife."
"But I buried your wife ten years ago," replied the undertaker.
"I got married again," the man sobbed.
"Oh," said the undertaker. "Congratulations." 

2. 




Johnny (age 8) comes into the house for dinner after playing outside all 
afternoon. His parents ask him what he did today. He says that he played 
baseball and then he proposed to Betty (age 7) the next door neighbor. 
They are going to get married. His parents think this is cute, and they 
don't want to make fun of Johnny so they ask Johnny him "How are you and 
Betty going to pay for the expenses of being married?" He replies "Well 
with the $1 I get each week from you and the $1 she gets from her Mom and 
Dad, we should do o.k." His father says "That's fine, but how will you pay 
the extra expenses if you and Betty have a baby?" Johnny answers "Well, so 
far, we've been lucky..."

3. 




A little girl asked her father, "Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with Once
Upon A Time?"
And he replied, "No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin 
with 'If Elected I promise...'"

4. 




"Kiss me," said the young lady urgently. "Please kiss me."
But the young man turned his head away, saying, "Of course not.
How can I? I'm your own brother-in-law. Hell, we shouldn't
even be lying here making love."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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