Today's jokes [5.22.12]
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A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th
wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife
"Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me
that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now
I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful
experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all
that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?"
...The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she
paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
...The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting
hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks
"Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"
...Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she
tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says "You".
Good News, Bad News, Worse News VI
Your wife's not talking to you
She wants a divorce
She's a lawyer
A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant's barrister asks him
"How far from the accident were you when it happened?"
He replied "36 feet, 2 and a quarter inches"
"Nonsence how can you be so precise"
"Well I knew some bloody fool would ask me so I measured it."
A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the
bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and
break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on
the floor, the guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.
A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely
three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget,"
said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs
apart and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest
thing she'd ever experienced inside her.
Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just
wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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