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Today's jokes [5.22.12]

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A very elderly couple is having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th 
wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife 
"Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me 
that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now
I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful 
experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take all 
that away. But,.. I must know, did he have a different father?"
...The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, she 
paused for moment and then confessed. "Yes. Yes he did."
...The old man is very shaken, the reality of what his wife was admitting 
hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks 
"Who?.. Who was he? Who was the father?"
...Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she 
tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Then, finally, she says "You".

1. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News VI
 
  Good: 
        Your wife's not talking to you
   Bad: 
        She wants a divorce
 Worse: 
        She's a lawyer

2. 




A man is giving evidence in court and the defendant's barrister asks him 
"How far from the accident were you when it happened?"
He replied "36 feet, 2 and a quarter inches"
"Nonsence how can you be so precise"
"Well I knew some bloody fool would ask me so I measured it."

3. 




A nun is walking down the street, when suddenly a punk jumps out of the
bushes and hits her over the head, proceeds to kick her in the groin and
break her nose with a massive left hook. As the nun is lying bleeding on
the floor, the guy looks down and says:
You're getting slow in your old age, Batman.

4. 




A tall woman met a midget at a party. The midget was barely 
three feet tall but they were attracted to each other.
After a few drinks they went back to the tall woman's 
apartment.
"I can't imagine what it will be like making love to a midget," 
said the woman, "especially with the size difference and all."
"Just take off your cloths, lie back on the bed, spread your legs 
apart and close your eyes," said the midget.
The woman did as she was told and soon she felt the biggest 
thing she'd ever experienced inside her.
Within a few minutes the woman had climaxed eight times.
"If you think that was good," said the midget with a smirk, "Just 
wait till I get BOTH legs in there!"

5. 



BONUS! A random joke from Jokes2Go database
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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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