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Today's jokes [5.2.12]

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The first engineer calls out to the other, "Hey--Nice bike!
   Where did you get it?" "Well," replies the other, "I was walking to
   class the other day when this pretty, young coed rides up on this
   bike. She jumps off, takes off all of her clothes, and says 'you can
   have ANYTHING you want!'" "Good choice," says the first guy, "her
   clothes wouldn't have fit you anyway.


1. 




A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his 
nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly."

2. 




Finally, Serbian hackers hacked the navigation systems of "Tomahawk" 
missiles -- now they're called "Boomerang."

3. 




A couple was delighted when finally their long wait to adopt a baby came 
to an end. The adoption center called and told them they had a wonderful 
Japanese baby boy, and the couple took him without hesitation. On the way 
home from the adoption center, they stopped by the local college so they 
each could enroll in night courses. After they filled out the form, the 
registration clerk inquired, "What ever possessed you to study Japanese?" 
The couple said proudly, "We just adopted a Japanese baby and in a year or 
so he'll start to talk. We just want to be able to understand him".

4. 




    The Reverend

   Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an
   exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just
   had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was
   feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day. As soon
   as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of
   town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he
   wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish.
   Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday
   morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint
   Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and
   exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?"
   The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton
   hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short
   of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN
   ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why
   did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going
   to tell?"


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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