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Today's jokes [5.16.12]

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A guy's fingering his girlfriend.
She says, "Would you take off your ring? It's hurting me."
He says, "That's not my ring...It's my wristwatch." 

1. 




A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the 
beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging 
the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the 
shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on 
fire!"

2. 




A well respected Doctor and his wife were having drinks in the lobby of the theater during the opening nite of a musical during
intermission. A blonde shimmied by that had to have had what there was of her evening gown spray painted on her curvy body.
She smiled and gushed, "Well, hello there Doc." and kept right on going.

After a moment's pause, the good doctor looked at his wife and said, "Don't worry dear, that's just a young lady I know
professionally."

Without missing a beat, his wife asked, "Hers or Yours ?" 

3. 




Father Goose Story No. 9



   Once there was a King who was loved by all of his subjects, especially
because of the hunting excursions he shared with them.  As will happen,
one day he died and his eldest son took the throne.  Now this new king
was an animal-lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of
hunting and fishing.  His subjects accepted this for only a short time
before they ousted him.  This is a truly significant event, because it's
the first time a reign was called on account of the game.

4. 




Here's one about the old native American who wanted a loan for 
$500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are 
you going to do with the money?" 

"Take jewlery to city and sell it," was the response. 

"What have you got for collateral?" 

"Don't know collateral." 

"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of 
the loan.Have you got any vehicles?" 

"Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." 

The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" 

"Yes, I have a horse." 

"How old is it?" 

"Don't know, has no teeth." 

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several 
weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a 
roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker 
the money to pay his loan off.

"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" 

"Put in teepee." 

"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. 

"Don't know deposit." 

"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. 
When you want to use it you can withdraw it." 

The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for 
collateral?"

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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