Today's jokes [5.13.12]
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After many months of trying to make ends meet, one California couple
decided that the only way they were going to get any extra cash was to
have the old lady start hooking.
Early the next morning the wife comes home looking very haggard and
worn out. The husband guiltily asks how she did, and the wife replies
that she earned four hundred dollars and ten cents.
"That`s great!" the husband replies. "But who gave you the ten cents?"
"Everybody!" replied the wife.
An old man and woman were married for years even though
they hated each other. When they had a confrontation,
screams and yelling could be heard deep into the night. A
constant statement was heard by the neighbors who feared the
man the most. "When I die I will dig my way up and out of the
grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"
They believed he practiced black magic and was responsible
for missing cats and dogs, and strange sounds at all hours. He
was feared and enjoyed the respect it garnished.
He died abruptly under strange circumstances and the funeral
had a closed casket. After the burial, the wife went straight to
the local bar and began to party as if there was no tomorrow.
The gaiety of her actions were becoming extreme while her
neighbors approached in a group to ask these questions: Are
you not afraid? Concerned? Worried? that this man who
practiced black magic and stated when he died he would dig
his way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for
the rest of your life?
The wife put down her drink and said..."let the old bastard dig.
I had him buried upside down."
Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month."
To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too."
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if
there is anybody in room 27. She goes and checks, and comes
back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty.
"Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."
What's the difference between women and men?
One has morning sickness, the other has morning stiffness.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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