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Today's jokes [5.1.12]

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Forty years later, they're in the same hotel room they spent their 
honeymoon in. She takes off her clothes, lies down on the bed,
spreads her legs...
Her husband looks at her and he begins to weep uncontrollably.
She says, "What's the matter?"
He says, "Forty years ago, I couldn't wait to eat it, and now, NOW..."
"Now?" she asks.
"Now, it looks like it can't wait to eat ME!"

1. 




The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
   strongest man around that they offered a standing $1,000.00 bet. The
   bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass,
   and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop
   of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried over time
   (weightlifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
   One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a
   polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, "I'd like to try
   the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
   grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled
   remains of the rind to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned
   to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six
   drops fell into the glass.
   As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1,000.00, and asked the
   little man, "what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a
   weightlifter, or what?" The man replied, "I work for the IRS."


2. 




Stacking Strategy. It is not enough to pile lots of
documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. .
Can always borrow from library. Thick computer manuals are the best.

3. 




A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his 
tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that 
such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men 
were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here 
lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the 
tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" 

4. 




Men are like...

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and
potentially violent, but they make great pets. 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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