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Today's jokes [4.7.12]

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What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

lick-a-lot-a-pus


Sent by rob

1. 




One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the 
White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the 
country?" Clinton asked.
"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.
The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark 
bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" 
Clinton asked.
"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.
Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure 
moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the 
best thing I could do to help the country?" Clinton asked.  
Abe replied, "Go to the theater."

2. 




Stick your tongue out.
Move it up and down.
Relax.
Now move it left and right.
Well done! You have now completed Christopher Reeves workout video.



3. 




   A little boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, what does a pussy
   look like?"
   Father responds, "well son, before or after sex?"
   Son, "Well, before?"
   Father, "picture a tulip with all the petals son."
   Son, "well what about after?"
   Father, "Picture a bull dog eating mayonnaise!"
   


4. 




Q: What was the last thing to go through Cobain's mind?
A: The roof of his mouth.


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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