Today's jokes [4.3.12] Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."
Two men are having an awfully slow round of golf because the two ladies in front of them managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and rough on the course, and they didn't bother to wave the men on through, which is proper golf etiquette. After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those gals to let us play through." He walked out to the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped, turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't do it. One of those women is my wife and the other is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them." The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway there and, just as his partner had done, stopped, turned around and walked back. He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I wonder how the girls are doing?"
A sailor walks into a bar. The bartender immediately notices that this is a pretty well built guy but he has the tiniest little pinhead. After serving the sailor a couple of drinks, curiosity finally gets the best of the bartender and he asks the sailor why he had a normal sized body with such a tiny head. The sailor tells him this story: "I was involved in a naval battle where I was the only survivor. I was stranded on a deserted island in the middle of the ocean for months, when I happened across a mermaid while I was walking on the beach." She was on the beach and couldn't get back in the water so I helped her get back to the ocean, she was so grateful she granted me three wishes. I first asked to be rescued off that god forsaken island. She told me that it was no problem, that the rescue ship was on the way, and that I still had two more wishes." "Next I asked for a never ending roll of twenty dollar bills." Then the sailor reached into his pocket and kept pulling out 20s and putting them on the bar. "Finally I said to her, 'I've been on this island for quite some time without a woman and I'm quite horny, She said "as you can see from the waist down I'm a fish so I'm sorry but I can't help you there." "Well I thought about it for a minute and said OK, how about a little head.
Here's a silly one.... Why did the skeleton burp? Because it didn't have the guts to fart.
Love, Mary
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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