Today's jokes [4.3.12]
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The office playboy had a date with an attractive young woman. The next day
someone asked him how things had gone. "She uses too many four-letter
words for me," was the reply. "Really?" "Yes," answered the playboy. "All
evening long she was saying "don't" and "stop" and "quit that."
Two men are having an awfully slow round of
golf because the two ladies in front of them
managed to get into every sand trap, lake, and
rough on the course, and they didn't bother to
wave the men on through, which is proper golf
After two hours of waiting and waiting, one man
said, "I think I'll walk up there and ask those
gals to let us play through." He walked out to
the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stopped,
turned around and came back, explaining, "I can't
do it. One of those women is my wife and the other
is my mistress. Maybe you'd better go talk to them."
The second man walked toward the ladies, go halfway
there and, just as his partner had done, stopped,
turned around and walked back.
He smiled sheepishly and said, "Small World!"
Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel.
When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as
a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his
new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I
wonder how the girls are doing?"
A sailor walks into a bar. The bartender immediately notices that this
is a pretty well built
guy but he has the tiniest little pinhead. After serving the sailor a
couple of drinks,
curiosity finally gets the best of the bartender and he asks the
sailor why he had a normal
sized body with such a tiny head. The sailor tells him this story: "I
was involved in a naval
battle where I was the only survivor. I was stranded on a deserted
island in the middle of
the ocean for months, when I happened across a mermaid while I was
walking on the
beach." She was on the beach and couldn't get back in the water so I
helped her get back
to the ocean, she was so grateful she granted me three wishes. I first
asked to be rescued
off that god forsaken island. She told me that it was no problem, that
the rescue ship was
on the way, and that I still had two more wishes." "Next I asked for a
never ending roll of
twenty dollar bills." Then the sailor reached into his pocket and kept
pulling out 20s and
putting them on the bar. "Finally I said to her, 'I've been on this
island for quite some time
without a woman and I'm quite horny, She said "as you can see from the
waist down I'm a
fish so I'm sorry but I can't help you there." "Well I thought about
it for a minute and said
OK, how about a little head.
Here's a silly one....
Why did the skeleton burp?
Because it didn't have the guts to fart.
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
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