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Today's jokes [4.29.12]

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A certain young lady named Rowell 
Had a musical bent to her bowel. 
With a good plate of beans 
Tucked under her jeans 
She could play To a Wild Rose by MacDowell. 

1. 




    Good girls loosen a few buttons when it's hot. Bad girls
   make it hot by loosening a few buttons. Good girls only own one credit
   card and rarely use it. Bad girls only own one bra and rarely use it.
   Good girls wax their floors. Bad girls wax their bikini lines. Good
   girls blush during love scenes in a movie. Bad girls know they could
   do it better. Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a
   strand of pearls. Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a
   strand of pearls. Good girls wear high heels to work. Bad girls wear
   high heels to bed. Good girls say, "No." Bad girls say, "When?"


2. 




What sits at the bottom of the ocean and shakes?


                    A nervous wreck.

3. 




One Friday afternoon two women are sitting on the front porch. 

The first woman says, "Here comes my husband with a bunch of flowers.
That means I'll be on my back with my legs in the air all weekend." 

The other woman asks, "Why, don't you have a vase?" 

4. 




ZipperGate Update...

In a deal engineered by veteran mouthpieces Stein and Cacheris, Ms.
Lewinsky has apparently headed off possible perjury charges by offering a
full throated confession to Kenneth Starr. Sources close to the
investigation report Starr is pumping Ms. Lewinsky for details concerning
an oral pact with Mr. Clinton to withhold evidence. Although the
independent prosecutor's team will drill Monica prior to her testimony,
beltway observers do not anticipate a full dress rehearsal.

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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