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Today's jokes [4.28.12]

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Man in a pub, "If you went camping and woke up in the morning with a
bloody condom hanging out of your arse, would you tell anyone?" 
Other man, "Bloody hell, no!"
First man, "Want to come camping?" 


1. 




A pastor in Maine skipped services one Sunday to go bear hunting.
Along the trail he turned a corner and collided with a bear. the
pastor stumbled, backwards, slipped off the trail, and began
tumbling down the mountain, the bear in hot pursuit. Finally the
pastor crashed into a bolder, breaking both his legs and sending
his rifle flying through the air, just out of his reach.
 As the bear closed in, the pastor cried out "Lord, I'm sorry for
what I have done. Please forgive me and save me! - Lord please
make this bear a Christian".
 Suddenly the bear skipped to a halt at the pastor's feet, fell
to it's knees, clasped it's paws together, began to weep and
said "God bless this food which I am about to receive!"

2. 




If Cray made toasters...
They would cost $16 million but would be faster than
any other single-slice toaster in the world, at least
for a couple of years.

3. 




Jon left for a two day business trip to Chicago.  He was only a
few blocks away from his house when he realized he'd left his 
plane ticket on top of his dresser.  

He turned around and headed back to the house.  He quietly
entered the door, walked into the kitchen.  He saw his wife 
washing the breakfast dishes, wearing her skimpiest negligee.

She looked so good that he tiptoed up behind her, reached out, 
and squeezed her left tit.

"Leave only one quart of milk," she said.  "Jon won't be here for 
breakfast tomorrow."

4. 




Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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