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Today's jokes [4.24.12]

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Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? 

     - Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69. 

1. 




How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the chin.

2. 




Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.

3. 




   A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother
   wants to show her
   daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open
   up and talk about
   dating boys and what it's like for her.
   Mom: So....now that you have started dating, what's it like getting
   intimate with young
   men?
   Daughter: Oh you know how it is, boys are always insensitive and never
   care if intimacy
   isn't working for me.
   Mom: How?
   Daughter: Oh, stuff....
   Mom: Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for
   mothers and daughters to
   talk about these matters...
   Daughter: I don't know.....
   Mom: Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what
   dating boys was
   like for me, believe I remember
   Daughter: Really?
   Mom: Really...
   Daughter: Ok, for starters, how did you get their cum out of your
   eyes?
   


4. 




   This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
   problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know
   how to say one thing."
   
   "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to
   have some fun?' "
   
   "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
   your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
   and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to
   pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
   saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to
   praise and worship."
   
   "Thank you!" the woman responded.
   
   So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
   house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
   praying in their cage.
   
   The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the
   female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some
   fun?"
   
   One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
   the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
   


5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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