Today's jokes [4.24.12]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
- Because she gets a frog stuck in her throat at 69.
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Why don't cannibals eat comedians?
They taste funny.
A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother
wants to show her
daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open
up and talk about
dating boys and what it's like for her.
Mom: So....now that you have started dating, what's it like getting
intimate with young
Daughter: Oh you know how it is, boys are always insensitive and never
care if intimacy
isn't working for me.
Daughter: Oh, stuff....
Mom: Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for
mothers and daughters to
talk about these matters...
Daughter: I don't know.....
Mom: Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what
dating boys was
like for me, believe I remember
Daughter: Ok, for starters, how did you get their cum out of your
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know
how to say one thing."
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to
have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to
pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to
praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the
female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28