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Today's jokes [4.23.12]

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I received a letter from my bank the other day, telling me,
"This is the last time we're going to spend a quarter to
tell you that you have fifteen cents!"

1. 




A man was called to witness that a couple had been making love in a
park.

The witness: They were fucking your honor
The judge: Could the witness put it in a more Sheakspearian way:
The witness: The park was Dark but caused no fear
                    Until tiny sounds came to my ear
                    There was this couple on the ground there
                    and his balls were dangling in the air
                    and you know his what was in her you know where
                    If that wasn't fucking your Honor I wasn't there

2. 




Handy guide to modern science:
If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

3. 




Q: What's the difference between pussy and apple pie?

A: You can eat your Mom's apple pie. 

4. 




How to Hunt Elephants -- Sales Style

Salespeople don't hunt elephants but spend their time
selling elephants they haven't  caught, for delivery two
days before the season opens.  Software salespeople ship the
first thing they catch and write up an invoice for an
elephant.  Hardware salespeople catch rabbits, paint them
gray and sell them as "desktop elephants."

Sent by Alex 

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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