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Today's jokes [4.21.12]

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   A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line
   dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and
   he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife.


1. 




Good News, Bad News, Worse News VIII
 
  Good: 
        You came home for a quickie
   Bad: 
        The postman had the same idea
 Worse: 
        You have to wait

2. 




This guy owns a horse stud farm, and gets a call from a friend
"I know this midget with a speech impediment who wants to buy
a horse, I'm sending him over."
The midget arrives, and the owner asks if he wants a male or
female horse.
"A female horth," the midget replies.
So the owner shows him one.
"Nith looking horth, can I see thea her mouth?" 
So the owner picks up the midget and shows him the horse s mouth.
"Nith mouth. Can I see her eyesth?"
So the owner picks up the midget and shows the eyes.
"Ok, what about the earsth?"
Now the owner is getting pissed, but he picks up the midget one
more time and shows the ears.
"OK, finally, I d like to see her twat," said the midget.
With that, the owner picked up the midget and shoved his head up
the horse's twat, then pulled him out.
Shaking his head, the midget says, "perhapth I should rephrase.
I'd like to see her run!" 

3. 




Where does Peter Pan eat?

Wendy's

4. 




"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to
purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a
television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I 
asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

5. 



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Dear John, I'm sorry I broke off our engagement. I miss you terribly and regret my decision. Please take me back.

Love,
Mary

PS. Congratulations on winning the World Series of Poker Main Event.



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